Online Counseling and Everyday Life

Being Here

Like many of us today, you may spend a lot of time with your cell phone, connected to a world that’s not where you are. But life doesn’t happen out there. It happens right here __ where you are.

• Have you seen an adult walking with a young child who is trying to get his or her attention, but can’t because the adult is on the phone and totally absorbed?
• Have you been in conversation face to face with someone, and had them repeatedly glance at their phone, reading messages or texting, while trying to maintain contact with you, or take a call and leave you on personal “hold.”
• Have you seen news reports in which people caught in a disaster simultaneously pull out their cell phones to place a call or take pictures, as if the phone was going to take care of the problem, and , most important, as if the person standing right next to them, who might urgently need their help, wasn’t even there?

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Recovery Basics

The term recovery is a somewhat hip and at the same time common term more people are comfortable accepting and beginning to share with others while discussing their process. Recovery is a personal journey and therefore, can have different definitions for different people. However, William Anthony, Director of the Boston Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation seems to have developed the cornerstone definition of mental health recovery. Anthony (1993) identifies recovery as “a deeply personal, unique process of changing one’s attitudes, values, feelings, goals, skills and/or roles. It is a way of living a satisfying, hopeful, and contributing life even with limitations caused by the addiction/mental illness.

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May is Mental Health Month!

May is Mental Health month so it can’t pass without addressing it. However, I am not going to talk here about mental disorders or how to bring more awareness to the ongoing struggles of people suffering from them. I would like for us to focus on what Mental Health is, its definition. According to the Webster dictionary Mental Health is “the condition of being sound mentally and emotionally that is characterized by the absence of mental disorder (as neurosis or psychosis) and by adequate adjustment especially as reflected in feeling comfortable about oneself, positive feelings about others, and ability to meet the demands of life.”

I also like the World Health Organization’s definition: “Mental health is not just the absence of mental disorder. It is defined as a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.”

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Can you eat without worry? Making peace with food

eating

With the beginning of the spring the other day I saw one of the many TV commercials motivating people to lose weight so they can look great this summer. It made me think of the current blog title. Yes as the title implies I am going to talk about food but mostly about the problems with food. If anorexia or bulimia is the first thing that comes to your mind, let’s forget them for a moment because most of the population doesn’t fall under those categories. I am going to talk about most of us because not only people with anorexia or bulimia freak out during spring, most of us do, unfortunately.

Continue reading Can you eat without worry? Making peace with food

Life Lessons

snoopy-life-lessons

There is an idiom in Spanish that says: “If we knew what we know as we get older when we were younger, life would be much easier.” Yes, but unfortunately many of the lessons are learned with pain personally experienced. So if you are trying to improve your life or avoid some of the pain of learning on your own, here some wisdom to share with you.

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Rules for Being Human

humanity

This is the beginning of the year, another year and the time for most people to work or try to work on their New Year’s Resolutions. It could be a hard time sometimes though because expectations are too high and disappointment can come fast. The worst is when it is disappointment about ourselves because we don’t accomplish as much as we want. Therefore, my topic this month is this posting: “Rules for Being Human” so you can print it and post it on a wall and see it every day as a reminder to be gentle with yourself and take life easier. How about that for a New Year’s Resolution?
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Happiness: The key is in your relationships

In these days of consumerism and emphasis on work and achieving we forget that life is lived in relationships, and that the quality of those relationships has much to do with how life turns out. Therefore, during these holidays try to spend some time reflecting on the quality of your relationships and make the new year’s resolution of creating new and richer relationships in your life from now own. Your emotional and physical health will thank you.
How does it work? Each individual seeks a central relationship in which to find security, satisfaction, and meaning. However, there certain considerations for this to happen between two people that aren’t that simple. According to the American Journal of Psychiatry Special Article “For better or worse: Interpersonal relationships and individual outcome,” the achievement of optimal balance in these variables is what determines a healthy relationship or not. Continue reading Happiness: The key is in your relationships

Let go, Let God

letgo

It has been a while since I have been able to post and it has been bothering me. I remember it every time that I talk to one of my clients about letting something go. If you can’t control something, change it, or like me do it, try to let it go. Usually it is easier said than done but as most of the time it is progress rather that perfection what I preach and practice. Most people ask me, what do you mean by “letting go”? so I thought I would collect some quotes that explain the concept in a few words. I like some of them more than others but I’d let you pick your own. Ah…and if you want to go a step further, pick one of these that applies to you and work on it this week. I really believe that when we are able to let go things start happening in our lives. Continue reading Let go, Let God

Co-dependency: Bad, Good or Both?

Are you familiar with the term codependency? Have you ever been labeled codependent? If so, it probably didn’t leave you with a good feeling. The term has developed a negative connotation that implies needy, clingy, and even sick.
I believe the term might be, very often, mistakenly used or not defined with total accuracy. The term originated from alcoholism. According to the Merriam Medical Webster’s dictionary, codependent is a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin). In 1987, Melody Beattie, introduced the term to the self-help world with her bestseller, Codependent No More. And now, if you look on the internet, definitions are endless and, suggested treatment options to cure it abound. Regardless of what it means, many have accepted that being codependent is bad. But do we know what it really means or is there something innately wrong with its semantics? Let’s go over that.

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Endurance: A Life Matter

Endurance for life

After two months of absence due to maternity leave I couldn’t think of another topic but endurance. I am not talking about the common definition usually used in aerobic or anaerobic exercise. I am talking about endurance as in real life because it takes a different muscle, the muscle of the soul. According to the Webster Miriam dictionary endurance (also called sufferance) is the ability to exert itself for a long period of time; the ability to withstand hardship or adversity; especially : the ability to sustain a prolonged stressful effort or activity. So the point that I want to remark in this article is that endurance is in a big part a mental attitude. The power of the thoughts is amazing and fundamental when going through any period of your life that requires endurance. Ah…and patience is the key ingredient to achieve it. Think about the trainings that military people are exposed to or survival experiences. What made the difference for somebody that survive a plain crash and somebody that didn’t under the same circumstances? If both had access to water and some shelter, why one survive and the other didn’t? Because one gave up mentally and the other maintain a positive mental attitude: practiced endurance day after day. Fortunately we don’t have to survive plain crashes everyday but we do know that life faces us with many difficult situations that many times we don’t think we can handle, and we couldn’t unless we practice endurance.

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Online Counseling for Everyday Life

Isabel Kirk, MA, LPC

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