Introduction to Dialectical Thinking this Thanksgiving

We all wonder sometimes when things go wrong or when not feeling good how we can focus on the positive in our lives and to be thankful. Well, the answer is practicing dialectical thinking. Dialectical thinking is a form of flexible thinking open to the synthesis of opposites, which is often the way life is. To understand a dialectical framework, think of the polarities inherent in reality, the many opposites we encounter in daily life and the way things work. From the simplicity of night and day to the unseen tension between matter and antimatter, reality is full of opposites.

It is the opposite from the so called dichotomous thinking, which you can define as either-or all-or nothing thinking. Dialectical thinking is a matter of finding a middle path between extremes __ extreme of emotions (stuffing versus overreaction), thinking (black and white versus black and white), or relationships (they either love me or hate me, rather than they both love me and hate me.

So dialectical thinking:

• Is flexible
• Is synergistic/holistic
• Asks, “What’s being left out?
• Asks, “Where can we put the and?”

When you are confronted with apparent contradictions or conflict, try using dialectical thinking. With help from your mindfulness skills, try to turn toward tolerance fro differences of opinions. In the case of interpersonal conflict, let others set their own personal limits while you set yours, knowing that limits can fluctuate from time to time and don’t have to be fixed. Life isn’t all or nothing. It’s usually both / and.

So keeping in mind the wisdom from dialectical thinking, I would encourage you during this Thanksgiving to try to make an effort and start putting in practice your dialectical thinking skills… This means you don’t have to only be thankful and focus on the positive of your life, but practice tolerating both: the positive and the negative. Make space for you to feel sorry and grief the stuff that isn’t going well but also try and focus on the things that are and be thankful for them. Remember that life is about that, not one or the other.

Reference: Sprandlin (2003). Don’t let your emotions run your life.

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