Living life on its own terms

Problems…is any one exempt? We all have problems. They may differ with regard to number, degree, type, and intensity, but if we are living in this world we share this common experience. So what’s the difference among us when it comes to problems? Simply, some people are troubled and overwhelmed by their problems while others cope and manage them. Often some people handle their problems so well that they are mistakenly judged not to have problems.

People who get overwhelmed by their problems loose perspective, control of themselves and, therefore are controlled by their problems. The result is feelings of helpless and hopeless, and in consequence, diseases such as depression and anxiety. When people begin to panic, tend to seek for immediate and rapid solutions. The biggest problem is that there are none, of course, and they thus despair.

We as human beings can become experts at escaping our problems. Occasionally we push our problems aside which is sometimes necessary, but when that becomes the rule rather than the exception, we are headed for trouble. We can’t run away from reality; we can postpone it, but not avoid it.

So the first difference between those who cope and those who do not will often be the difference between those who face their problems and those who do not. When we avoid problems, they will usually end up controlling and overwhelming us, sooner or later. When we face them, no matter how difficult or painful they are, we maintain our mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

The second difference is the capacity for acceptance and letting go, not only of the problem itself but of the outcomes of our actions when facing them. It is important to see problems or challenges as part of our growth in life. When a problem, physical or emotional pain arises, there is sign that something is wrong and that something needs to change. However, after we try and do our part we need to let go and accept reality, whatever it is. For good and for bad, we have only two options, accept what we have and try to make the best of it or sink in despair and pain.

Life on its own terms is not going to be most of the time as we want it or would like it to be. As Vicki Silvers states in the Book “The Language of Recovery” (2000), life’s circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. Beyond any understanding, you may at times be led in different direction that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed. Yet if you had never put any effort into choosing a path, or tried to carry out your dream, then perhaps you would have no direction at all. Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken, accept the fact that there is a path before you now.

Learning to be flexible, patience and adjust to circumstances is one of the best tools we can use to live a healthy and happy life. Understanding that sometimes life is not fair, that things happen, and that we can’t control most of it, are some of the basic concepts to be able to face problems and look at life in a different way.

Self-help author, Melody Beattie, tell us that sometimes when we pray for miracles, what we’re really praying for is help in skipping steps, for shortcuts. The simple act of acceptance, of return it to each step of our path, can often bring us the miracle we need. Then we see the truth. The real miracle is one always available to each of us: it’s the miracle of acceptance. We can go where we want to go, one step at a time.

I hope these holidays bring you the time and the peace to accept your life and the lives of those you love as they are, letting go of the worst, holding on to the best, and finding the hope inside that continues throughout life.

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