Endings and Beginnings

The Christmas holidays are over and the New Year has begun. I am just coming back from dropping off my friends at the airport and my heart is sad. I enjoyed the visit and the time spent in company of old time childhood friends, but it is time to return to reality. I am trying to see the positive about it, but it is hard. I am trying to focus on new beginnings, since after all it is New Year’s, but it’s not easy.  As a result of my experience with these feelings I discovered the topic for this article: good byes, endings and new beginnings.

Few people know or feel comfortable with good byes.  Good byes are difficult. The challenge is to embrace them and try to look at what new beginnings they provide.  This is a crucial element to surviving. It is easy to feel dragged down by endings and to focus on the things that we have lost. The emotions sometimes are overwhelming and don’t allow us to see beyond the pain that we are experiencing in the moment.

However, if we think about it, each ending embraces a new beginning. We see it in nature all the time. Trees loosing their leaves means the end of the Fall and the beginning of the Winter. At the same time, the winter snow melting means the end of the Winter and the beginning of Spring. Vacations ending mean the beginning of new projects and pursuit of new goals and dreams. Getting married means the end of singlehood and the beginning of sharing life with the one we love. The examples are infinite. Of course certain endings make us feel happy, satisfied, and even relieved. Others cause sadness, leave us wanting more, and can lead to depression.  And the third example is the one that has the combination of both sweet and sour. That is the most complicated and the one I’m discussing.

In order to have stability in our lives, we need to learn to embrace endings and new beginnings in a way that doesn’t affect our inner core and that revitalizes us as much as possible.  Endings are part of reality, and in truth things don’t end, they change.

What needs to be done to maintain our inner core and find renewal in change?

• Start looking at endings as a transition not as an end itself. When ever there is an ending, there is the opportunity for a fresh start, a chance for something new and interesting to begin.
• Allow yourself to get in touch with the feelings that emerge from that ending. If you shut feelings down, deny, or repress them, they will only come back to haunt you and keep you stuck in the past.
• It is normal to have mixed feelings. You can feel sad about the death of a loved one, but may also feel relief because you no longer have the heavy burden of care. Guess what? It is human and it is OK.
• Be realistic about the positive and negative aspects of an ending. When we lose something we tend to idealize it and remember it as having been perfect. Nothing or no one is, so try to see both sides of the coin.
• Make the best of your circumstances. With the current economy many people who have lost their jobs have chosen to take the opportunity to start their own business or follow their dreams. Getting a divorce is the end of a marriage, but also the opportunity to start a new, focusing on new freedom, new opportunities and even new and happier relationships.
• Remember, you may not be able to control the “ending” itself, but you have total control over how you choose to see it and react to it. Embrace and try to focus on what the new beginning will bring into your life instead of focusing on what you are losing. It is a matter of perspective. “You can see the glass as half empty or half full.”   It is up to you!

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